How to be Stoic about Stoicism
If you are like me, whenever you decide to do something, you don’t really allow yourself to do it half-arsed. It’s got to be full dedication or nothing. So when I decided that Stoicism was one of the mindsets I wanted to incorporate into my life, I was determined to go all out. Did that work? No it didn’t, but my Stoicism studies did teach me how not to stress about it.
What is Stoicism:
“Stoicism is a school of philosophy that hails from ancient Greece and Rome in the early parts of the 3rd century, BC. It is a philosophy of life that maximizes positive emotions, reduces negative emotions and helps individuals to hone their virtues of character”. — Holstee.Com
So you want to be Stoic, but you find yourself still being stressed, still trying to control parts of your life and overall being the opposite of Stoic. Well, that’s okay. One thing I remind myself when I am feeling anxious, or find it hard to accept something, is that anxiety is literally a feature of evolution — self preservation. It’s good to have some levels of anxiety, we all need it. However what Stoicism teaches us, is to learn to accept unknowns. Overall when I do adopt this mindset successfully, my anxiety diminishes, I see things clearer and I have more trust in myself, situations and others. Below are three teachings that help me remain Stoic even when I feel the opposite.
Applying Stoicism teachings towards the actual adoption of Stoicism in our lives is great practice. It’s less high stakes than trying to control worrying about an actual fear you have, but it still cultivates the mindset.
Amor Fati
“Amor fati — a love of fate. “That one wants nothing to be different, not forward, not backwards, not in all eternity. Not merely bear what is necessary, still less conceal it….but love it.” — Friedrich Nietzsche, The Daily Stoic
That’s the first principle. Love of Fate. Those of us with anxiety might find this concept bewildering. Loving everything that might happen? Accepting every possibility? No way. But yes, there are people out there with this mindset, why should we subject ourselves to anything different? Love of Fate, leaving it up to ‘whatever happens happens’ or ‘it is what it is’. Sometimes it’s easier to take a deep breath and just accept.
Let’s preface this, I’m not suggesting to be complacent and let the world go round while you sit quietly just allowing whatever to happen. Quite the opposite, we do what we can do in any situation but after that, we accept what will be.
Trichotomy of Control
“Some things are within our power, while others are not. Within our power are opinion, motivation, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever is of our own doing; not within our power are our body, our property, reputation, office, and, in a word, whatever is not of our own doing.” — Epictetus
This teaching basically reminds us of what is in our control, and therefore what is worth extending our energy towards, and what isn’t. The Trichotomy of Control is a very satisfying teaching. It’s surprisingly straight forward. Whenever I take the time to sort my life out into these categories, I can literally feel the weight lifting off of my shoulders.
Take your life or worries you have right now and divide them into these three sections:
- Full control
- Partial Control
- No Control
When we are able to separate what is in our control and what isn’t, it allows for whole areas of our minds to be freed up. We can start focusing on the good and being proactive.
No universal truths
Any of us overthink about what people think about us? It is the most tiring thing to try and maintain a perfect persona. I don’t recommend trying it. Instead, just skip all that and accept that there are no universal truths. What do I mean by this? I mean that there is not one person’s reality that is more real than another. Put simply, we all have different perceptions, outlooks and behaviours and that’s okay.
We can illustrate this with the famous bus analogy. Two people on a bus, looking out of opposite windows. The guy on the right sees one side of the street, the girl on the left sees another side. Based on so many variables, that make them individuals, they may have complete opposite reactions to what they see. We can’t control how someones experiences leads them to a certain perception. Both views are real, both are based in reality, but both are different.
There is no point trying to change someones point of view. Someone elses’ truth is no more or less superior than your own. This information was like a breath of fresh air to me. It seems so obvious, yet we all try to people please and micro-manage what people think about us. How about we stop that now? We can’t predict, change or manage how someone views us. So let’s stop trying to.
Stoicism can be a life changing mindset to have. It can take a life that is usually full of worry and create a peaceful, accepting arena.
One last thing I’d like to leave you with. The famous philosopher Alan Watts famously stated “Life is a dance”. Like any dance, there are ebbs and flows and motion. Let life happen for you, and not to you.
Good luck on your Stoic journeys.
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